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There is something about being a geek as an adult. Some would say being a geek while adulting. Adulting sucks. No one ever has the time to do anything. No one has the money to buy anything they want. Unless you are one of the few that has more money than they need. No responsibilities. Sometimes it wasn’t about having enough time. There are many instances when you have that tiny voice inside your head that talks you out of geeking out. That voice that reminds you that other things need to be done.

There seems to be some sort of stigma with adults of a certain age about indulging in geek related activities. I will take myself for example. I am currently unemployed. You can only look and apply for so many jobs a day. Yet, when I think about watching some of my movie backlogs or play some games, my mind tells me that I could be doing something else. Something more productive. I have yet to figure out what those productive activities may be. Instead of catching up on my comic, movie or gaming backlog, I end up watching YouTube conspiracy videos for hours. Yeah, that was really productive.

If you squint hard enough, it all begins to make sense.

There is something to be said about watching a movie like it is a major time commitment. Many movies run ninety minutes, which is no longer or sometimes shorter than those YouTube conspiracy documentaries. Yet for some reason, my mind tricks me into thinking that watching those videos are not a waste of time. However, within fifteen minutes into a game or movie, my mind begins to think that this is a waste. Yet, these are some of my favorite things. Christ, I still have Uncharted 4 laying on my shelf unopened.

Now, some of you may say that its because your unemployed right now. When you get a job, things will be different. That is not necessarily true.  When I was working, I still didn’t find time to do those things. Granted, my last job had me depressed. I hated every minute there. I always had something to worry about. Mostly, going back to that job. All I wanted to do was mindlessly watch TV. Eat. Sleep whenever I could. Now, I worry a bit about the holidays. Money is getting, if not already, tight. Yet, after spending hours looking and apply for some, I find myself feeling guilty that I want to play, watch, or read anything geek related.

It is a difficult mindset to be in. I know I am not the only one. There are some people in my inner circle that have that same issue. I can’t play, watch or read because I can be doing something more productive. The results? A discussion about some video they saw on YouTube or article that they saw on Facebook. During that entire time, you could have had some decent gaming time. The only common denominator that I can see in this whole thing is guilt.

There is a sense of guilt that if I am not doing something, I should be doing something productive. What does that even mean? We need to unwind. We need to release our stress, frustration, or even remind us that there is something else out there. Work, family, and errands are not the core of our being. I have found that sort of guilty causes you to be depressed. I have been depressed. There is only so much I can do during the day. I have to create some time to remind myself who I am. Not what other people claim to be on social media.

I would question this picture.

That sense of guilt tried to create worry or tension in our lives. Trying to make us into who we think people expect us to be. I have had many girlfriends that didn’t like my love of geek culture. Now, while I am temporarily in this position, all I can hear is their voices telling me this is all wrong. While some of those people on social media may “appear” to have the life, I can safely assume none of them actually have that life. I need to break out of that and be the guy I love to be. Time to let worry STFU for a couple of hours. Allow me to be that geek at adulting.

Being an adult doesn’t have to suck. It does suck but not 100% of the time. I mean, if you weren’t an adult, then you couldn’t buy those “M” rated games without your Mom.